Home, Sweet Home?!?!

It’s day two of being home for thanksgiving, and I have to say, it’s not nearly as painful as I had expected. I have had time to take a few naps, study, and go running with my brother’s new dog….

Let me tell you a bit about my brother. First I am from an obscenely small sad little town in the Willamette valley….I moved as soon as possible, P (my bro), however still lives at home with my parents….not for a lack of trying to get out. He has moved out at least half a dozen times, but like a boomerang ends up back where he started. The reasons for his many returns span from bad financial choices to poor choices in friends and roommates, oh and girlfriends….the kid attracts psychos like you would not believe….

He is 20 years old and wears pants so tight you can actually see his, ya know, junk. All of his jeans have a perfect ring outlined on the back pocket from his “snuff.” Copenhagen long cut for those interested in his choice of cancer causing agents. I have given up the “you know that’s bad for you” lecture, he has been chewing since he was 14, mom stopped lecturing at 18 and I finally realized that I am wasting my breath. P is, for the most part, a really good kid. He will do anything for anyone; he would give you the shirt off his back if that’s what you really needed. He can be reached 24/7 for roadside assistance for any of his redneck friends, or their girlfriends, who are also rednecks. P goes through daily life with an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude, and it works for him. He really does not care what anyone thinks, and has no problem telling you to fuck off….after he gives you his shirt and the finger.

I am proud to say P is going back to school, that’s right, my baby brother is going to college…ok, its trade school. But by the time I graduate from college he will be finished with his welding certification program and making more money then me….damn

So P just got this new red tick hound, and very creatively named the dog red. Could you be a bit more original please? My mom said no more dogs, did he listen? No. the damn dog howls night and day….enter the bark collar. After one day of wearing the damn thing he is afraid to bark. I am not sure how I feel about bark collars, but the neighbors stopped complaining….did I mention that the closest neighbor is ¼ of a mile away and they were annoyed by the howling hound.

I can’t help but love the dog. He is on a 40ft cable run and has a nice little doggie house with food and water. The problem is that he is able to get his self wrapped around the cherry tree, the plum tree, the burn barrel, and the tractor (yes my family has a burn barrel and tractor, and so much more). I took in upon myself yesterday after a rainy run to fix the dogs living conditions….bad idea. Before I even started I was already soaked to the bone, my black Capri yoga pants and my black sweatshirt were clinging to my sad shivering body. The pants were so heavy with water I could barely keep them on my hips. I trekked through the yard to the field the dog has so lovingly been exiled to.

I need to clarify that my parents are constantly re-doing their landscaping…the current state of the yard is mud. The reason you ask for all of this mud? Because they have just put in an access road to the back of the property so that my grandparents and great-grandparents can park their RV in our yard during the summers….the exciting life of retirement.

So I spent over an hour trying to fix this dogs lead so that he can’t tangle himself. By the time I was finished I was freezing and covered in mud…and whatever else was in that mud…..this field used to be home to the pigs I raised for 9 years….use your imagination about how filthy I really was.

As cold and disgusting as the entire ordeal was it was a very relaxing experience. For the duration of my time spent with this miserable puppy I did not once think about school, bills, my ex, or any other stress inducing thoughts….it was amazing, thank you red!

There are two reasons why I am home for the entire week. The first being thanksgiving break, and the second mom’s foot surgery. It’s a minor procedure with a small cut and only 45 min under general anesthesia. She describes it as having her plantar released….I think it might be a bit more complicated then this! The surgery was great; it took her about 30min to wake up and an additional 30 to be alert enough for the nurse to release her. The nurse was great, she let me pull the IV, I have done this a dozen times, but its always fun! Mom was so funny, she was stoned and demanded a diet soda and crackers…I gave her the crackers and made her wait for soda.

Now she is taking full advantage of her disabled state. She has orders from the doctor that she is to be non-weight bearing on her left foot for an entire week….this means I am her bitch for the week. I am not complaining, simply stating a fact. I need a shirt that says, moms bitch across the front….that would make me laugh. Its so much easier with a patient who is not your family, they have silent lights that turn on when they need something….my mom has a frog that sings and yells, oh yes a singing and laughing from…I wish I had the audio of it for you…its annoying and funny all at the same time.

So the best part of being home is the food and the wood stove…the house is warm and I get to eat yummy yummy food all week. Thanksgiving dinner: I am cooking. I have never cooked a thanksgiving dinner, I have burned hamburger helper. I am actually a really good cook, and I’m excited to cook this meal for my family. I am worried about the stuffing…I don’t really even like stuffing and now I have to make it…so if you have any tips to share, please do.