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Deb I miss you more and more...the pain is fading, and I am left with only a small whole where you should be in my life....that place won't ever be filled. I laugh everyday, I still cry but it is followed by laughter. I am growning up, and becoming this strong independant woman, you would be proud of me. You would be so proud of Ben...he has direction, he called me and was respectful, he was the ben from that summer...I hope he stays this time....

I wish I could call you for advice about a real issue, not a freakin boy. I have to opportunity to move back in with my parents for 1-2 years. normally i would say "oh, hell no" but this makes since. We have figured it out and if I live here for 2 years I can be totally out of debt from my loans, or I could be almost out of debt and have a healthy savings account again....Then I could buy a house when I'm 28. Me, in a house, at 28...amazing. I need to talk it out, to think about all the negative and postive that come with moving in with your parents at 25. All i can see in this moment are the financial positives...not the negatives.....

My job is becoming more and more of a personal and emotional struggle...I know I need to go back to therapy to sort through it all, to learn how to leave it in the rooms and the beds. I need to compartmentalize. My live, My work life, to seperate but joined part of who I am. I used to define myself as a nurse, but now I don't know how to define myself....I am a girl who happens to spend 36hrs a week nursing, but aside from a nurse who am I?

How do you answer that questions: who am I? is there an answer? well, I am me...Can I define myself by my job or my hobbies? Is it my morals and ethical values that define me? Is it being single, owning a cat, living wiht a roomate not a partner, is it loving my family, or caring for strangers that define me as an individual? I don't think there is one solid answer for the question....When we are searching for ourselves are we even looking in the right places? Do you have to travel the world to find yourself, when looking inside is all it really takes? hhhmmmm

oh, and I burned my ear with my flat iron and am now missing a small chunk of ear lobe...freakin nasty!