So there is this guy. He is the kind of guy I can see myself being with, and unlike so many guys I have dated this year, he is actually appropriate for me. He is 7years older, He makes me laugh, and makes me blush, he makes me want to iron....suddenly I want to be just a little domestic. For some reason he makes me feel like being an adult....like in the good way...not just the paying bills on time way. Like I want to get up and watch the news and drink coffee, I want to make dinner and then do the dishes, I want to play card games and do crosswords together....
The Guy: This guy I met about 9 months ago during my dating spree in Portland. He is smart, and funny, and cute, and warm, he makes me feel warm and comfortable and excited....
The problem: about two months ago I told him I just wanted to be friends, then had the most perfect date night ever with him while I was in Portland last week...no I want to change my mind...I am totally open to more then friendship with him, but I don't know how to tell him!!!
The other problem: I live in Bend now, and he is in Portland...not that big of a deal
Being a girl: Here is the biggest issue for me....I don't know how to like someone who is good for me. I am so used to being the girl that can detach from someone, I generally like people who I can't make a real connection with, someone I have a little fun with and sometimes good sex, but I can walk away from and not be hurt. But not this time....this time I can't detach. And like an idiot I have been pushing him away for the last few months, I'm and idiot!!! shit.
So now I am have to tell him that I changed my mind, without sounding like a psycho, and still avoiding the stupid games. I need to just call when I want to call, and say what I feel like saying...but I need to chill the fuck out.
seriously. I have issues. We talked a few times last week, and everything seems to be good, casual, but good. and now for no reason I am starting to over analyze the entire situation. Does he like me, does he just want to be my friend now? what will he say when I tell him I am open to more then just friendship, will he reject me? I think that is the underlying issue here, my fear of rejection...I do just fine when I am the one rejecting everyone, but god I hate being rejected!!!
and I really hate this stage of having a crush. like I really really hate it....but I love the feeling! I love the butterflies.....
damn it! :)
Hugs
A
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
As an outsider looking in. Um, it's been 9 months. Look how much has changed... including your mind about being friends. Last time you made that decision for yourself, you were ass deep in nursings school, and dealing with your friends failing marriages... have the talk with him.
I missed the talk, missed the boy, and missed the would be relationship I formed with him in my mind...here I am doing the same thing over again, a year later...crazy...
Post a Comment