BitterSweet....

It's my last night on the medical floor of St. Charles-Bend...I am so excited for my new adventure, but so sad to be leaving the men and women who I have learned from, and learned to love, over the last year and a half. These people have helped me to become a great nurse, and they have become my friends...my family....I'm trying not to cry as I get ready to go home a few hours early....

The next few days will be busy...loading the u-haul tomorrow, the BIG party tomorrow night, and then my parents will be here saturday to 'move me home.' eeeck

uuuggg

I fucking hate packing. just sayin'

work...

I'm blogging at work, totally not ok...but hey I have one week left. nothing to report, I'm bored and sleepy. I am so tired of being tired. Working nights is really taking a tole on me...I am by nature a night owl, but it's impossible to live 100% at night. I end up switching between nights and days so frequently that my body never has a chance to catch up. My new job will be nights also, 8s instead of 12s...I think this will be helpful. 11pm-730am. I can go home and sleep, then spend the evening with my family, have a good relaxed dinner then head off to work...I feel like I'm getting a little bit of my life back!

I am going to be playing co-ed softball this spring, games start in the middle of May! I am so excited I can hardly stand it!! it will be great to be a part of a team again...and great to be active with peers! I have not played a sport in years! I work out with a personal trainer a few times a week...but sports are so different then just hitting the gym....I am so jazzed to hit and throw and catch a softball...I loved softball! wahooo

ok, back to work...ick....

7 days....

I have 7 shifts left at the job that has shaped who I am as a nurse. In 11 days I will be moving to Philomath, back in with my parents. How do I feel about all of this? It's this bizzare mixture of excitment, sadness, dread, and happiness! I am so happy to be moving on, so happy to be working at a different hospital...I'm excited to spend more time with my family and my beautiful niece.

I am dreading living with my parents again...I'm so happy for the opportunity they are giving me to pay of some debt, to have a place to live and food to eat...but I'm totally flipped out to be 25 and living with my parents, this does not look good. I want to be dating, starting a relationship with a man and here I am moving in with my parents...there is nothing appealing about a woman who lives in her mom and dad's attic....ugggg.

I am so sad to be leaving my amazing co-workers! they are my friends, and my 'bend' family! I love them all SO much! I learn from them each and every day! They teach me to keep smiling, they teach me to love myself, and they teach me how to me a better nurse!

There is a light at the end of the tunnel for me, a bright shiny light pulling me closer each day. A new chapter of my life is starting in just a few days, I can hardly believe it....

A new chapter....

Here I am changing gears again, packig boxes and getting ready for a fresh start. This time I'm going home. Home to be wit my family, to work at the hospital I was born in, to recconect with the people who mean the most to me, to watch me niece grow up, and to show that little town that I figured it out. I figured out how to be happy with just me.  I have struggled to "find myself" and realized that we never really know who we are, because we change with each breath we take.

So here we go, I am firmly on the path, and this path is in my highest good. I love me. and that is wonderful.