Terror and Love, life is changing...

So I did it, I have graduated from nursing school. in less then a month I will be working as a Registered Nurse in Bend, Oregon. I have to pack all my earthly possessions and drive them over the pass and put them all back where they belong in a new home, in a new town. Not the first time that I have made a big move, and I doubt it will be the last. I now know that it feels good to move about, but it is hard to leave the people you meet along the way.



Over the past two years I have met the family I will have for the rest of my life. N, J, C, and S. We will all go our separate ways, but forever be in each others lives.



I got a phone call a few weeks ago, N was in the hospital. I was so terrified that I was going to lose my best friend. She is better now, physically. In some ways I had already lost her. We have separated over the last few months, it has been a struggle for me. This was an eye opener for me. Our relationships are precious, no matter the stage of the relationship. Maybe we are not as close as we once were, our lives are going in separate directions, but I love her no less. She is still my best friend, the only person who knows all my secrets. The one who does not judge me, or try to change me.

I have come to realize something else about love and sex. (I know big topic change). I don't know that I am capable of having sex the way that i once did. I remember now what it is to be held in the arms of someone you are in love with. I don't know that I can return from that. The only real problem is that he is gone, and will never know how I feel. That is OK. I will find someone amazing and perfect for me. It will take time, and I have time. I am only 23 years old, the world is at my fingertips!!

A life was lost this last week. An 18 year old girl who had just graduated from high school. She was close to my baby brother. I met her while they were dating back in May. I feel bad now, for asking myself if she was good enough for him. I decided that she was great, just about the time that they broke up. I had seen her a few time after the break up, they were still close friends. She was in a car accident, the rode gave way and her vehicle fell 250 feet down a cliff, and she is gone now. may her soul be in peace, and her parents treasure the love she will continue to give them each day.

I really do miss him, I have not even told N about him....hopefully I will see her before I leave for Bend. I don't know when I will be back in Portland, it could be a few months!!!

Well that is all I have for now. Just wanted to update you all on my fun and exciting life ;)

Life is changing. I am happy. I am loved. Life is good :)

much love
Amanda