What makes a grown up?
Is it someone who supports themself?
Someone who is able to find joy in their own life?
Independance?
Strength?
is it an age?
or a state of mind?
someone who pays all their own bills?
do you have to old to be a grown up?
is it motivation or ambition?
am I not a grown up because I don't partake in some activities?
really, why do you have the right to think I am not a grown up? I am 23, have lived on my own and payed my own bills for 4 years. thats more then what can be said for you when you were 23.
Yes is was childish for me to react that way, but fuck you. don't sit around and joke about me not being a grown up because some sexual acts freak me the fuck out....I am a grown ass woman and I take care of myself....sorry if you don't like the fact that Im not as fucking freaky as you.
Good thing I am even more pissed at you then ever....
Fuck, I am fucking done.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
More on my dating nightmares
First I have to tell you all about the worst date I have ever been on in my life.....I am an idiot and when on yet another date with a guy I met online....you would think I know better...this may have been the last straw....
He asks me to pick him up because he is having "car issues" No prob, for me...if anyone understands a broken down car its this girl. I drove some real piece of crap cars until I could aford my brand new Kia...not the coolest car, but it runs great and has a warrenty :)
So before dinner this is what I know, or think I know about this guy. 26 y/o student living with his parents to help get done with school. works at target to pay for school, and has a broken down car.
here is what I find out: 26, works at target, not a student, no ambition to move out of his parents house, and he is not having care issues...he does not have fucking car or a drivers lisence. WTF????
after dinner I am like, "hey what are we going to do now?" the responce I get..."I don't know." I suggest getting a beer, he does not drink. I suggest getting coffee, he does not drink coffee.
OK the two beverages I live on right now, he does not drink!!! (OK i don't live on beer, but I love to drink a few on the weekends)
OK, we could go for a walk, its to colde
OK, we can watch a movie, Im not allowed in his parents house and the movie theatre is not showing anything for over an hour.
we go to a park and swing, he complains about the cold some more.....
his suggestion: wanna give me a blow job
OH MY FUCK, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????????
On a less distressing note I keep getting strange text messages from a few of the guys I have gone out with. They just say HI.....how do I respond to that? I just say hi back? do they want to know how my day is going...or do they want to see me again??? come on guys, give me hint.
OK I am really actually done dating until I am done with school and can meet a normal person in real life, not online.
someone help me understand why this has to be so difficult. It was so much easier in high school when the boy just asked you to be his gf then you held hands in the hallway....whats wrong with that now???? hahahahah
much love
Amanda :)
He asks me to pick him up because he is having "car issues" No prob, for me...if anyone understands a broken down car its this girl. I drove some real piece of crap cars until I could aford my brand new Kia...not the coolest car, but it runs great and has a warrenty :)
So before dinner this is what I know, or think I know about this guy. 26 y/o student living with his parents to help get done with school. works at target to pay for school, and has a broken down car.
here is what I find out: 26, works at target, not a student, no ambition to move out of his parents house, and he is not having care issues...he does not have fucking car or a drivers lisence. WTF????
after dinner I am like, "hey what are we going to do now?" the responce I get..."I don't know." I suggest getting a beer, he does not drink. I suggest getting coffee, he does not drink coffee.
OK the two beverages I live on right now, he does not drink!!! (OK i don't live on beer, but I love to drink a few on the weekends)
OK, we could go for a walk, its to colde
OK, we can watch a movie, Im not allowed in his parents house and the movie theatre is not showing anything for over an hour.
we go to a park and swing, he complains about the cold some more.....
his suggestion: wanna give me a blow job
OH MY FUCK, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????????
On a less distressing note I keep getting strange text messages from a few of the guys I have gone out with. They just say HI.....how do I respond to that? I just say hi back? do they want to know how my day is going...or do they want to see me again??? come on guys, give me hint.
OK I am really actually done dating until I am done with school and can meet a normal person in real life, not online.
someone help me understand why this has to be so difficult. It was so much easier in high school when the boy just asked you to be his gf then you held hands in the hallway....whats wrong with that now???? hahahahah
much love
Amanda :)
The coffee is ready....
My new meds seem to be helping. Its been almost a month and I am already feeling like a human again. The side effects of the Wellbutrin are much less then the prozac, so this might work..
The only problem is distingusing between depression and real lonliness at this point. I have been out with a few guys in the last month or so, but none of them seem to care about what I have to say. I need to talk to someone about the things I do during clinical, someone who really cares that my heart breaks with the little girls fall asleep in my lap.
L is a 6y/o with CHARGE syndrome...she is almost deaf, nearly blind, has a heart defect, a trachostomy, and a gastrostomy. She communicates with loud noises and physical contact. last night she walked over to me, i was sitting in a cushy chair taking my break, L craweld up on my lap and made herself comfy. She fell asleep right there on my lap. Its amazing to know that she trusts me and I am a safe person for her. She is so adorable....its her distictly different face, sweet eyes, and loud noises that make her who she is. I come home from clinical every monday and tuesday and cry. I am saddened by her situation, but so in love with her little personality. She lives in a foster home because she is so medically fragile and her parents just could not handle it. She really could not be in a better place though. She is safe, cared for, and loved deeply by everyone in the home. I really could take her home and love her as my own...she is perfectly imperfect.
Every guy I have gone out with has changed the subject while I am talking about her. I know disabilities make people uncomfortable, but this is what I do now, and will continue to do for the rest of my life. The people in my life have to be able to handle it too. I need to be able to talk to the people I love about what I do....I need to unwind at the end of a long and emotionally exhausting day. So thats the ultimate make or break em' test for the potential dates. Be able to talk about my work...the sad, the gross, the hard, the joy, the gross, and the fun.....
How do you tell someone you don't want to see them again because you don't like the way they react when you talk about the kids you take care of twice a week?? Sorry, You don't care about what I have to say or what I do with my life, so Im done with you? thats seems so bitchy....can't I just stop talking them cold....thats what I did before....but I suppose that bitchy too. well hell...
I am going to put dating out of my mind until I finish school in June. I need to focus and pass all of my upcoming tests so I can actually continue doing what I love, nursing.
stupid boys :)
The only problem is distingusing between depression and real lonliness at this point. I have been out with a few guys in the last month or so, but none of them seem to care about what I have to say. I need to talk to someone about the things I do during clinical, someone who really cares that my heart breaks with the little girls fall asleep in my lap.
L is a 6y/o with CHARGE syndrome...she is almost deaf, nearly blind, has a heart defect, a trachostomy, and a gastrostomy. She communicates with loud noises and physical contact. last night she walked over to me, i was sitting in a cushy chair taking my break, L craweld up on my lap and made herself comfy. She fell asleep right there on my lap. Its amazing to know that she trusts me and I am a safe person for her. She is so adorable....its her distictly different face, sweet eyes, and loud noises that make her who she is. I come home from clinical every monday and tuesday and cry. I am saddened by her situation, but so in love with her little personality. She lives in a foster home because she is so medically fragile and her parents just could not handle it. She really could not be in a better place though. She is safe, cared for, and loved deeply by everyone in the home. I really could take her home and love her as my own...she is perfectly imperfect.
Every guy I have gone out with has changed the subject while I am talking about her. I know disabilities make people uncomfortable, but this is what I do now, and will continue to do for the rest of my life. The people in my life have to be able to handle it too. I need to be able to talk to the people I love about what I do....I need to unwind at the end of a long and emotionally exhausting day. So thats the ultimate make or break em' test for the potential dates. Be able to talk about my work...the sad, the gross, the hard, the joy, the gross, and the fun.....
How do you tell someone you don't want to see them again because you don't like the way they react when you talk about the kids you take care of twice a week?? Sorry, You don't care about what I have to say or what I do with my life, so Im done with you? thats seems so bitchy....can't I just stop talking them cold....thats what I did before....but I suppose that bitchy too. well hell...
I am going to put dating out of my mind until I finish school in June. I need to focus and pass all of my upcoming tests so I can actually continue doing what I love, nursing.
stupid boys :)
Monday, January 7, 2008
Switching meds....
After struggling to be compliant with Prozac I am finally switching to a med with less reported side effects....lets hope this works....
Side effects: CNS: SEIZURES, agitation, headache, insomnia, mania, psychoses, GI: dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, change in appetite, weight gain, weight loss, Derm: photosensitivity, Endo: hyperglycemia, hypoglycemia, syndrome of inappropriate ADH secretion, Neuro: tremor, (davis drug guide for Wellbutrin XL)
Wahoo, this list is a quarter the size of the list for Prozac. I am a little worried about the insomnia and hypoglycemia because I already struggle with both of those things anyways....but only a few people end up with these effects, with any luck I will not be one of the few!!!!!
OK, Winter term starts today, I am trying some new meds, my apartment is clean, and the plumber is coming to fix my water heater sometime this am.....could today be any better????? yes, the coffee could be ready :)
Side effects: CNS: SEIZURES, agitation, headache, insomnia, mania, psychoses, GI: dry mouth, nausea, vomiting, change in appetite, weight gain, weight loss, Derm: photosensitivity, Endo: hyperglycemia, hypoglycemia, syndrome of inappropriate ADH secretion, Neuro: tremor, (davis drug guide for Wellbutrin XL)
Wahoo, this list is a quarter the size of the list for Prozac. I am a little worried about the insomnia and hypoglycemia because I already struggle with both of those things anyways....but only a few people end up with these effects, with any luck I will not be one of the few!!!!!
OK, Winter term starts today, I am trying some new meds, my apartment is clean, and the plumber is coming to fix my water heater sometime this am.....could today be any better????? yes, the coffee could be ready :)
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
A world of couples....
Everyone I know has a life with someone else, and my life is solitary. Don't get me wrong, I love me life, I really really do. But I am lonely.
everyone I love has a partner. All of my friends from high school are married or living with their boyfriends. My best friend Nicole is married and has children. All of my friends from OSU are married.........or living with their partners........
So it makes since that I am lonely.....
But I am done complaining now. I am going to watch my new favorite movie, organize my things, and try to put myself in a better frame of mind.
Much love
A
everyone I love has a partner. All of my friends from high school are married or living with their boyfriends. My best friend Nicole is married and has children. All of my friends from OSU are married.........or living with their partners........
So it makes since that I am lonely.....
But I am done complaining now. I am going to watch my new favorite movie, organize my things, and try to put myself in a better frame of mind.
Much love
A
The Resolution
OK, so here it is. MY resolution for 2008.
I want to be healthy.
I want to feel sexy.
I want to be able to run down the street without feeling like I am going to pass out.
I want to fall in love with the boy next door, but that not going to happen.....
So because nursing school is crazy and I eat and sleep when I have time I know that vowing to lose any weight is fucking insane and not do-able. So I am have made a goal that my nursing instructor would approve of as it meet the SMART criteria....
Hit the gym twice a week starting this week for the next three months.
See this is specific measurable realistic attainable and on a time frame...SMART
I love you all so help me do this....read on and follow my struggle to make it to the gym twice a week, you will be surprised at how difficult it really is......
I want to be healthy.
I want to feel sexy.
I want to be able to run down the street without feeling like I am going to pass out.
I want to fall in love with the boy next door, but that not going to happen.....
So because nursing school is crazy and I eat and sleep when I have time I know that vowing to lose any weight is fucking insane and not do-able. So I am have made a goal that my nursing instructor would approve of as it meet the SMART criteria....
Hit the gym twice a week starting this week for the next three months.
See this is specific measurable realistic attainable and on a time frame...SMART
I love you all so help me do this....read on and follow my struggle to make it to the gym twice a week, you will be surprised at how difficult it really is......
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
