So there is this guy. He is the kind of guy I can see myself being with, and unlike so many guys I have dated this year, he is actually appropriate for me. He is 7years older, He makes me laugh, and makes me blush, he makes me want to iron....suddenly I want to be just a little domestic. For some reason he makes me feel like being an adult....like in the good way...not just the paying bills on time way. Like I want to get up and watch the news and drink coffee, I want to make dinner and then do the dishes, I want to play card games and do crosswords together....
The Guy: This guy I met about 9 months ago during my dating spree in Portland. He is smart, and funny, and cute, and warm, he makes me feel warm and comfortable and excited....
The problem: about two months ago I told him I just wanted to be friends, then had the most perfect date night ever with him while I was in Portland last week...no I want to change my mind...I am totally open to more then friendship with him, but I don't know how to tell him!!!
The other problem: I live in Bend now, and he is in Portland...not that big of a deal
Being a girl: Here is the biggest issue for me....I don't know how to like someone who is good for me. I am so used to being the girl that can detach from someone, I generally like people who I can't make a real connection with, someone I have a little fun with and sometimes good sex, but I can walk away from and not be hurt. But not this time....this time I can't detach. And like an idiot I have been pushing him away for the last few months, I'm and idiot!!! shit.
So now I am have to tell him that I changed my mind, without sounding like a psycho, and still avoiding the stupid games. I need to just call when I want to call, and say what I feel like saying...but I need to chill the fuck out.
seriously. I have issues. We talked a few times last week, and everything seems to be good, casual, but good. and now for no reason I am starting to over analyze the entire situation. Does he like me, does he just want to be my friend now? what will he say when I tell him I am open to more then just friendship, will he reject me? I think that is the underlying issue here, my fear of rejection...I do just fine when I am the one rejecting everyone, but god I hate being rejected!!!
and I really hate this stage of having a crush. like I really really hate it....but I love the feeling! I love the butterflies.....
damn it! :)
Hugs
A
Saturday, November 15, 2008
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